


Fictional Characters Anonymous

by madmoriarty



Series: Once Upon a Sleepy Elementary [9]
Category: Elementary (TV), Once Upon a Time (TV), Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: AA meetings, F/M, Hello my name is blah blah blah and I'm a fictional character, How do you feel about hooks?, John Watson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 16:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3256451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madmoriarty/pseuds/madmoriarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and Joan are left to their thoughts on the matter, and Sherlock's thoughts aren't very nice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fictional Characters Anonymous

“So what are you thinking?” Joan asked once Emma stepped away to go talk to her friends at the other table. Sherlock just stared straight ahead and pretended like he hadn’t heard her. “Sherlock!” she said, jabbing him in the arm. He turned his head slightly and gave her a sour look. 

"You know what I’m thinking," Sherlock said flatly. 

"No, I don’t…" Joan replied. She hated when he got like this. She may be a well-groomed detective, but that didn’t make her a mind-reader; something Sherlock often forgot. Sherlock’s mouth twitched a couple times as he was stewing over his thoughts before he turned to her and voiced his opinions. 

"I’m thinking you published that manuscript that I told you you never should have written in the first place."

"You can’t be serious," Joan asked in disbelief. "Sherlock, you watched me destroy it!" 

"I watched you destroy _a_ copy. You could have very well written others on different devices, or you may even have a solid manuscript somewhere,” Sherlock snapped. 

"That’s ridiculous!" Joan exclaimed. "Why—" she stopped as she noticed a couple stares, and immediately lowered her voice. "Why would I do that?"

"Fame, fortune, pent up rage, revenge…" Sherlock began to list off reasons. "There’s a number of reasons why you would betray me." Sherlock’s mouth was set firm. He knew this all sounded rather unlike Joan, but this was the only lead that made sense. Nobody knew Sherlock as well as her; nobody was privvy to such a wealth of information as her. She bloody lived with him in his own home for god’s sake. And this theory of Miss Swan’s? That they were fictional characters and some sort of "ultimate unkown deity" created them? Preposterous. He wouldn’t even give it a second thought.

"Sherlock, you _know_ me,” Joan argued with him. He could be so pig-headed sometimes that he often lost sight of who he was talking to. “You know I would never do that to you! I value your trust.”

"That may be so, but your name is literally written _in_ the book,” Sherlock argued. “As the fictional character who wrote this perverted biography.” Sherlock made quotation marks with his fingers on the word ‘wrote’. “ _John Watson_.”

"Why the hell would I use ‘John Watson’?"

"I don’t know. Perhaps in a vain attempt to hide your identity," Sherlock said. Joan was in a state of pure disbelief. 

"Yes, because if I really wanted to cover my tracks I would use the same last name and change my first name to a more masculine, but very similar sounding name. Because I’m that stupid." She was so done with him and his ridiculous attitude. She had no idea how this book had came to be, but it had nothing to do with her. She had already felt bad enough when Sherlock discovered her manuscript. She knew Sherlock was a very private man, and had vowed to never betray his trust like that again. 

"Perhaps you thought an obvious approach would work," Sherlock was purposely being idiotic now. He was trying to make Joan feel bad. Joan opened her mouth to respond but was cut off when the other three rejoined their table.

"Alright, perhaps now we can have an actual group discussion," Emma said, sliding into the booth across the table from them. Hook and Abbie slid in next to her, unfortunately not leaving enough room for Ichabod, who had to politely ask Joan and Sherlock to move over so he could squeeze in next to them.

"How does one even start such a conversation?" Ichabod asked. “‘Hello, my name is Ichabod, and I’m a fictional character’?" 

"That could work," Emma shrugged. "Hello, my name is Emma Swan, and I am the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming." Emma turned to look at Hook, who continued the ritual.

"Hello, my name is Killian Jones, you might better know me as Captain Hook," Hook began. "But I should inform you that I am a great deal more clever and suave than my ridiculous cartoon counterpart." 

"Hello, my name is Abbie Mills. I work with Sleepy Hollow PD. I’m not technically a fictional character, but I’ve been working with a couple for the last year or so to prevent the apocalypse." 

"Hello, my name is Sherlock Holmes and I do not support this kind of mockery," Sherlock fumed, standing and forcing his way out of the booth. Joan just watched him storm out open-mouthed. The rest of them looked to her for an answer.

"Sherlock has been sober for three years now. He goes to anonymous meetings frequently and they’ve been really helping him," Emma just dropped her head into her hands in shame. 

"Shit, I’m such an idiot, I’m so sorry," Emma apologized. Joan rose from the booth to go after Sherlock, but Emma stopped him. "I’ll talk to him." Joan just took her seat back at the table and made awkward eye contact with the others. 

"So…" Hook said, trying to break the silence. "How do you feel about hooks?"

**Author's Note:**

> This one ends kind of weird but I promise there's a reason for that. 
> 
> I'm supposed to do two art projects and an essay this week and this is what I did instead. #Priorities


End file.
